This pregnancy is actually going.. okay?
Which is funny to say because I was SO SICK for such a long time, and I'm sore and in pain a lot, and the heartburn has started to return... but I actually feel like time is passing quickly. I'm not sure if it's because instead of sitting on the couch thinking about being pregnant I'm chasing around a 1 year old.. or if it's the time of year.
There's a reason I switched doctors this time around. I just love this doctor so much. She'll give me straight talk, odds and numbers, she'll tell me when to worry, and she'll also make me feel a lot better. Maybe it's the first 5 minutes of every appointment when she spends time telling me how cute my belly is haha, but I always leave feeling better.
After my original anatomy scan, I got a call from the midwife on staff explaining some possible complications that they had seen, and she let me know that they were sending me to a specialist at Tufts to get another scan. Better machinery and more experienced/specialized doctors would get us some additional information that they needed.
It got me a little nervous, and of course googling all the possible bad outcomes (some of which she'd already told me over the phone), but I was glad for the availability of the specialist. Unfortunately they wanted to see me in the middle of our annual vacation to Maine, and I was told that I really shouldn't wait, especially since if I skipped this one they might not be able to get me in until October. Womp womp.
The anatomy scan!
Last time we were super excited to find out the gender and we counted down the days to the scan. This time, I went alone and almost fell asleep in the room. It's not my fault - it's a dark room, with white noise pumped in, and they lie you down on a bed while no one really talks for an hour. Sure there's a screen showing you what's going on, but it's like watching an old black and white movie with no sound on a tv channel you don't really get a good signal on and it's full of static.
I like looking at sibling names. You can usually learn a lot about the parents by looking at sibling names. There's usually a similar sound, or feel, and you can see what was important to the parents. What their style is like.
Maybe all of their kids have names from the bible. Maybe they all start with the same letter. Have the same number of syllables. Have repeating double letters. Are contemporary. Are spelled uniquely.
Sometime around Mother's Day, when I was feeling constant all day nausea and exhaustion, Tom mentioned that I should get a hotel room some weekend and have a night away. A relaxing, kid free night, where I could catch up on sleep, and the boys would stay home and bond.
As nice as it sounded, I kind of laughed it off. "Maybe someday!" I said.
Well, it's finally hit us. We have a toddler. And?
I miss my baby!
One of my friends has a newborn right now. I know she's not getting sleep and it's hard and she's recovering... but that cute little baby isn't throwing tantrums yet! Well at least not about the things E is throwing tantrums about. Because if he was upset only because he was hungry or tired, that I could do! I have a year's experience on that!
I'm not doing a great job with this pregnancy. I keep forgetting to do the things I'm supposed to do. Like tell people that I'm pregnant. In 15 and a half weeks, I've told maybe 3 people? And that doesn't include my family haha. First I was waiting for an ultrasound picture (which I still don't have), and then I was waiting to see them in person, which keeps getting cancelled or pushed back... and then I just keep forgetting.
I'll be in the middle of a conversation with someone and realize, oh I should totally tell them I'm pregnant! And then it seems weird in the conversation, and we were talking about their problems and how weird and selfish would it be to suddenly say, HEY want to talk about ME?? I know you're dealing with some heavy stuff and all, but let's ignore that for now and discuss ME!!!
It's funny, when we have free time at home, I don't say that E plays. Instead I say he's hard at work. He never stops moving, and is always on a mission. I'm not sure where the mission comes from, or why he's doing what he's doing, but he's very determined.
First he may come down stairs and go to his table and chairs, where all of his books are displayed. Very purposefully, one at a time, he must take every book off the table and put them on the floor. Once they're on the floor he'll ignore them for the rest of the day, but if you try and put a book back on the table, it must immediately be taken off again.
I'm pretty sure when anyone looks back on our Maine vacation this year, they're going to remember two things. E saying "hi! hi! hi!" and everyone singing "Do your ears hang low" until it haunts your dreams. Tom has taken to hiding the elephant, and my dad would start screaming from across the house whenever the song started, but the truth is E's reaction is SO CUTE, I'll push play over and over again.
Same goes with his talking. He's so excited to have figured out a word, and the fact that it causes reactions from people? It makes his day! Which means he'll walk around saying "hi" to anyone or anything. Unfortunately the birds, a person 3 blocks away, and the trees haven't figured out how to answer him.
So I mentioned that I asked for nausea medication this time around. I'm not sure why, but morning sickness hit me so much worse this time around. And even worse that last time, I couldn't just sit on the couch when I felt horrible - I had a baby to chase around.
There were nights when Tom would come home to find E half in his PJs, using me as a jungle gym while I was lying on the floor of his bedroom trying not to throw up. It wasn't sustainable. So I filled my prescription and wondered if it would change anything. And boy did it. They are magical magic pills that took away the nausea completely.
I've been here before, but a lot of things are different. I had my first doctor's appointment at 8 weeks instead of 10 this time. Two less weeks to wait to see if this was real, but less to see when we did check. The place was different too. I decided to leave my OB practice from my last pregnancy and go directly to the doctor that delivered E. There were a lot of reasons, and I went back and forth deciding for a while, but I left today pretty sure that I had made the right decision.
We went on vacation for a week recently (more on that later - I'm still sorting through so many pictures!) but it turned out to be a big week for E! We woke up the morning we were supposed to be leaving to one very grumpy baby. I finally got a peek in his mouth and it looked like there was a tiny hole in his gums. Could he finally be getting a tooth!?
Of course we had no idea, because we'd made it 14 months without one, so we weren't sure what to expect. We tried giving him some frozen teethers, but he refused. He also refused all food. And he was STARVING. That combined with a failed nap left us worried. We pulled out the Motrin and decided to just jump in the car and get to Maine. We bought all the soft food pouches we could, which he sucked down the rest of the day. The Motrin seemed to help, as did the friends we met in Maine.
After hoping, and praying, and second guessing, and worrying.. here we are again. Slightly different than last time, but also so much the same.
Am I experiencing symptoms so much earlier this time? Or am I just aware of what they are so I notice them earlier? Or am I just imagining them because I know what's to come? It's a weird mind game.
Let me apologize for holding this in for so long. It was never my intention... I just kept forgetting to tell people?
Maybe it's because I spend my days chasing around E that I'm too busy to think about anything else. Maybe it's because I've been so sick that even sleeping requires effort. (More on that later).
Hey Caitlin, how are you doing?
Oh great! I was driving home today, and it was only 92 outside according to my car, although it was at least 10 degrees warmer inside since the steering wheel was burning the skin off my hands. AC was on blast, and the windows were all down so I'd get the breeze. Felt nice.. right until something hit me on the side of my neck!