Life with Kids

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Underwater

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I’m not sure I can fully express the burnout that we’re feeling. And I know it’s not just us - when I get together with other parents now, all we talk about is how hopeless we feel, how exhausted, how angry, how done we are. How we can’t possibly keep going another day, but we have no end in sight. We’re all struggling so much, but also dealing with a ton of guilt, because we feel like we can’t complain, because we chose to have these children. We even hoped and prayed for them.

I’m not sure any of us expected life to be like this though. A never ending pandemic where no one cares about keeping kids safe. Work that expects you to devote all your free time to working as if you don’t have kids, and barely pays you enough to combat inflation or pay for daycare. Daycare where we have to send our children so we can work, but they’re all so understaffed and burnt out themselves dealing with this pandemic, they have to keep shutting down.

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Small Things Worth Remembering

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It’s a weird period of time with E.

I’m both excited for what comes next, but sad about what’s ending.

For example, his language. I’m really excited for him to be able to talk and communicate and to hear all the funny things he’s going to start saying in the next 6 months. (18 months - 2 years old is a GIANT language explosion). But I’m also going to really miss how he is now. He “talks” all day with great expression and passion.

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E Lately

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We went on vacation for a week recently (more on that later - I'm still sorting through so many pictures!) but it turned out to be a big week for E! We woke up the morning we were supposed to be leaving to one very grumpy baby.  I finally got a peek in his mouth and it looked like there was a tiny hole in his gums.  Could he finally be getting a tooth!?

Of course we had no idea, because we'd made it 14 months without one, so we weren't sure what to expect.  We tried giving him some frozen teethers, but he refused.  He also refused all food.  And he was STARVING.  That combined with a failed nap left us worried.  We pulled out the Motrin and decided to just jump in the car and get to Maine.  We bought all the soft food pouches we could, which he sucked down the rest of the day.  The Motrin seemed to help, as did the friends we met in Maine.

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More Small Moments

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More and more, our days are made up of tiny moments strung together to make up our days.  Individually they aren't much more than a quick story, but together they give you a window into E's personality and our life. 

Daycare

When I picked him up from daycare the other day, a teacher I hadn't seen was in the room with him.  I could tell she was smitten with E, and trying to put it in words.  "He's such a big kid, stuck in such a little body! It's like he's miniature!"  Yes, he's definitely miniature, this one.. but not in the personality!

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A Peek at Life Lately

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I have such a major writing block lately.  I'm not sure why, but even though I have stories to share, it's making it hard to get the words out.  I start, and then I find a million other things I'd rather be doing.  But I don't want to forget these moments either.  So here's my random brain dump:

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Life with a One Year Old

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We survived the first year.  We celebrated the birthday.  We still have no teeth, but we now have a toddler on our hands.  Can you call them a toddler if they still don't walk?  He's definitely not a baby anymore, though.  

I miss the baby stage.  Even when he wasn't sleeping through the night.  It was easy - you fed him, you cuddled him, you could spend your weekends on the couch and he'd be happy to just look at your face.  

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Just Me

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Sometimes I feel like this past year has turned me from Caitlin into a mom, and nothing more.  Don't get me wrong, being a mom is awesome, but every once in a while something happens that leaves me feeling a little funny.  Someone will ask me a question I normally would know the answer to, and I realize I have no clue. 

For instance, I went to a Red Sox game recently!  There was a time where I'd go to 10-15 games a season, and lately I'm lucky when I average one.  This was actually a pretty easy game to go to, but it still required a bit of planning.  I went with my co-workers, and it was a 1:05 game.  Tom worked from home so he could do daycare pickup, but I still managed to get home for bedtime.  

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Week Nights

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When I say you love sleep like your dad, I mean it.  Someone could honk their horn 4 blocks away and it would wake me from a dead sleep.  On the other hand, the alarm can go off, I can turn the lights on, and still sometimes I have to hit Tom to wake him up.  

Usually I try to put you down for a nap when we get home from daycare.  You don't sleep enough there during the day, and in my mind more sleep is always better.  You usually go down when we get home at 4:30, and hopefully wake up an hour later.  When you hadn't woken up by 5:45, I decided to help things along.  You see, I needed you to wake up so you could eat dinner and then go back to bed.  It seems stupid but if you don't wake up, you'll get angry around 10pm and demand food.  If I didn't give you the nap, you'd melt down.  It's a delicate balance.