Because we’re apparently experts now, we managaed our second outing as a family of five (I’m not tired of saying that yet) in our first month. It’s officially fall here, so we went apple picking!
Apple picking isn’t something I did growing up, and to be honest isn’t my first choice in activity now. If I want apples, I’m fine getting them from the grocery store. However, it’s not all about the apples.
Sometimes I feel like this past year has turned me from Caitlin into a mom, and nothing more. Don't get me wrong, being a mom is awesome, but every once in a while something happens that leaves me feeling a little funny. Someone will ask me a question I normally would know the answer to, and I realize I have no clue.
For instance, I went to a Red Sox game recently! There was a time where I'd go to 10-15 games a season, and lately I'm lucky when I average one. This was actually a pretty easy game to go to, but it still required a bit of planning. I went with my co-workers, and it was a 1:05 game. Tom worked from home so he could do daycare pickup, but I still managed to get home for bedtime.
Although most days I'm back to feeling like myself - calm, level headed, in control, uncaring about obnoxious people - there are still occasional days where I can't turn it off. The anxiety that has popped up sporadically since giving birth makes a reappearance and there seems to be nothing to do but wait it out.
Today's not a great day, for various reasons. The obnoxious thing is I'm no longer certain of my own feelings - am I really upset over something, or is it being amplified by my hormones? I used to hate it when people claimed their hormones were affecting their emotions because it seemed like BS to me. It didn't happen to me.
I've been meaning to write something like this for a while, but have been struggling to put my thoughts together. And struggling with if I even wanted to share. And then once I think about sharing, the sheer amount of stuff I want to talk about comes pouring out.
Being a parent is hard. And I struggle a lot with if I'm editing too much to make it look all sunshine and rainbows, and leaving out some of the harder parts. Because the last thing I want to do is make someone else feel bad because they think that I have it all together when in reality I don't.
I had to go into the city the other day.
It's weird, I've only been gone 3 weeks, but already everything is foreign. I got off at the same T stop I used to get off at every day for work. And already it felt as if I was getting off at a random stop in a different city. Nothing seemed familiar and I felt lost, even though I knew where I was going.