Here's the thing about late night wake ups: you panic.
You think no one will ever sleep again.
We will spend the rest of tonight, awake. Walking up and down this hallway.
We will spend the rest of his life, awake. Walking up and down this hallway
You forget it's temporary.
You forget you'll miss this.
The weight of him in your arms,
Clinging to you,
His head on your shoulder.
You panic.
But it's temporary.
At some point do I just stop counting? Is life so changed that it will never return to the “before" so there’s no point in counting how many days it’s been?
Or is it pointless because some things might get back to something that looks a little bit like normal, while others never will? Our daycare is actually open right now, so does that negate my count, since I started counting days since daycare closed? Or does the fact that we haven’t sent them back to daycare yet mean I keep counting?
Is time moving at warp speed lately? I've always felt like summers go by quicker than winters, but given that we still have snow in the forecast and I'm already feeling like time is slipping between my fingers, I'm a bit worried.
Take Easter for example. {How/When/What!?!?} Yeah, that pretty much describes how I feel about it. It came out of nowhere and then blew past me super fast. All of us being sick might have had something to do with it, or the fact that it was early this year, but WHERE DID EASTER GO!? Ever the practical one, I just decided that it was still here and took E's Easter pictures last weekend. Close enough, right? I'm not sure he was on board with the idea, though. Sure he humored me for a bit in the beginning, mostly because I was bribing him with puffs, but as soon as I tried to lie him on the ground he decided he was done. Oh well.
I feel like I need to do a kid update. Not the annual birthday one either. More a, this is where we are in life right now. Because I think to myself that not much has changed or happened, and then I read an old post and realize my children have gotten SO BIG and I don’t know when that happened.
They also change so much in the moment, that it’s hard to capture them. They can be outgoing and confident one minute, and shy and quiet the next. They may love their sibling one day, be super helpful and gentle, and the next day want nothing to do with them. So here’s the best summary I can come up with, totally off the top of my head and probably influenced by what they’ve done the past two days.