As this pandemic continues on and on and on, one thing I’m very sick of is how long I spend searching for things. Do we even remember fully stocked shelves anymore? When a shopping trip meant you knew you’d be able to cross everything off your list? Because so many people in the world are still getting sick and missing work, it’s really messed with the supply chain. Apparently these things were hanging in a precarious balance that could easily be tipped. Current things I’ve been unable to find or am having a hard time finding: baby formula, tampons and contact solution. All completely random things that I don’t feel like I could predict, but all things that are essential. Which means when you can’t find them, your life is interrupted while you spend all of your extra time and energy to find these things. Extra time and energy that you didn’t really have in the first place. It’s soul sucking.
Ten Months
I’m not sure if it’s too much to say, but this might be your hardest month yet. You hit a sleep regression HARD, at the same time separation anxiety peaked. Suddenly you’re fighting sleep, you’re screaming, and one night you were up from 9pm until midnight. It wasn’t fun. We’ve mostly moved passed that, but you’re still not as “easy” as you were a month ago. You want to be walking, but you can’t yet. You want to explore but you also don’t want to be out of our arms. And you cry at daycare drop off now. So it’s been a rough month. We’ll get through it, of course.
A Rainbow Sparkle Birthday
I’ve already shared a birthday post for our recent five year old, but his party (parties?) need some documentation as well. This year he was insistent on a rainbow sparkle theme, surprising no one - so we went all in! I did better with the rainbows than I did with the sparkles, but I made sure to get a few of those in there too. His other requests included wanting to go to Jordan’s for his party, and having real candles on his cake that he would get to blow out. Who knew that I was depriving him by not giving a small child fire!
Mother's and Mama Day
May is quickly becoming my least favorite month, which is unfortunate, because it used to be my favorite. But it suddenly feels like there’s so much to do and plan! It’s hard to think about myself, and my birthday (or Mother’s Day) when I’m trying to play E’s birthday. I’m trying to find a happy medium, though, where I’ll still celebrate and enjoy myself but not be too stressed. I joked this year that I’m going to start moving my birthday to February, because I could use some more fun there, and less to do in May.
Nine Months
Well after saying I wasn’t sure what makes you upset, this month definitely gave me a few examples. For whatever reason, your stranger danger seems to come and go. You’ve always loved daycare and never reacted poorly there, but suddenly you’ll burst into tears if a neighbor that you’ve known since you were born tries to hold you. While you often seem to be more like G in that you don’t want me to hug or cuddle you too much (you’ll go so far as to punch me in the throat to try to get out of a hug), you’ve also been a bit attached to me lately. You want me to sit approximately 2 inches from you on the ground next you to. Close enough that you can have a hand on me or crawl into my lap if needed, and if I try to leave the room or move away, you’ll start crying. That’s definitely new.
FIVE
HOW did we get here. I had babies and babies and suddenly I have a child old enough to go to school (which you will this fall).
You are sweet and caring and love to do things to make other’s happy. You send love notes to people in the mail, bring your siblings their favorite toys, share treats/snacks and you love to cuddle, especially after you’re supposed to be in bed.
You feel things deeply and take things personally. I often have to make sure I take extra time to talk about feelings with you. For example yet another pair of pants you were wearing ended up getting a hole in the knee, and I could see how sad you were. You were feeling ashamed, like you’d done something wrong. I had to sit you down and let you know that it wasn’t your fault, it was the pants. They weren’t strong enough, and we’d buy new ones. I didn’t want you to play any differently or worry about them. I can definitely see the rule following personality traits of an oldest child forming in you, and while it’s something that can be helpful to a parent or teacher, I want you to learn when to break the rules too.
Never Ending
None of this is new, and I’m certainly not alone in struggling, but I feel like it needs to be repeated. So much of the country (world?) has moved on. They’ve declared the pandemic over. Masks are gone, people are going to concerts and eating at restaurants and working in the office. Everything is supposed to magically go back to “normal.”
Except.
It’s not true if you’ve got small children.
Eight Months
This might finally be the month that breaks me, because having three mobile children is definitely harder than two and a baby. I think we can finally say you’ve figured out this crawling thing, although not well enough for us to realize that when we put you somewhere, you’re not going to stay there. You’re moving just enough that we’re still surprised to find you in a new spot. You bounce and spin and take a break to sit and then get up and move another step or two, but you’re definitely moving, and obviously thrilled about it.
Videos
I’ve been talking about videos quite a bit lately. As much as I love photos and am definitely a photo person, I’ve shifted my focus to videos the past few months. A photo can never let you hear someone’s voice or laugh, really see how little your kids were, and just doesn’t capture the magic in quite the same way. So while I’ll still continue to fill my house with printed photos and books, I’m trying to focus a bit on videos too.
I recently got a professional video made of our most recent vacation, but while I was at it I also bought 3 extra videos to do first year compilations for each child. Obviously one of those is still unfinished, but I have the other two and had been showing them off to friends and family. And that’s when I realized that most people aren’t aware that I make a short video every month and put it on this website.
Easter Parts I & II
One of the coolest parts about becoming an adult is realizing you really can make up your own rules a lot of the time. Things are still way less fun than I thought they would be, and I’m still mad that you don’t really get to pick the color of your car or your house like I thought you would, but every once in a while being an adult is totally worth it.
April Happenings
Phew April is a busy month, and we still have a week left!
I think the small humans are feeling it too. Emotions have been high, boundaries are being tested, and we’re all exhausted. Luckily we’ve had plenty of fun too.
In our first piece of big news, we converted G’s bed from a crib to a toddler bed! Besides the fact that he asked (and that’s reason enough at this age I think), he was starting to learn that he could climb into it and I wanted to stop that before he realized he could climb out too. We made it 3 wonderful years with him contained, and now we’re working hard to make sure we don’t find him wandering the house in the middle of the night.
Our Weekend
Work has been insanely busy and stressful lately, I feel like I don’t get to see my kids enough during the day, and there’s never enough time to cross everything we need to do around the house off my list, but last weekend was the first weekend since F has been born that we haven’t felt like we were drowning. So there’s that!
An Ode to a Tongue
I’m not sure why it happened, but about two weeks ago, it appeared. And has been a constant presence ever since. She always loved her tongue, of course. She curled it, and stuck it out at us, and did other things you use a tongue for. But lately? It’s always here. And always curled slightly and pointed up towards her nose.
Happy Bunnies
I don’t even know how to describe life right now. Some moments are calm and I’m so content my eyes well up with happy tears looking at my big beautiful family. Some are so chaotic that I can’t catch my breath and I’m constantly running and I don’t know if my kids are fine or if I’m failing them. And some days I feel like everything I’m doing is wrong and I’m definitely failing them. So I guess if I give you an answer one day and you don’t like the answer, just ask again a few minutes later?
Seven Months
After a few boring months, this was a big one for you! Not only did you leave the house, you left the state and flew all the way to Florida! And then we discovered that you aren’t really used to being outside, and it’s a huge adjustment. We’ll just say it wasn’t your favorite, so after a trip to a playground, a hike to the river, and a farmer’s market all in the first two days, we mostly let you stay in the house after that.
Green Day
At this time of year I am 100% looking and planning forward to all the events in the next two months, since April and May are always busy months for our family. So St. Patrick’s Day is not much more than an annoyance. Weird coming from the person with Irish heritage, but “celebrating” this holiday has always had negative connotations to me - pinching and food I don’t like and alcohol. It was the one day I always made sure to not be home when I lived in Southie.
More Thoughts on Florida
There was so much prep work for this trip. So much. It had been two years since we’d really gone on a trip like this, plus this was our first trip as a family of five, and had so many unknowns, so I think we went a bit overboard. Our motto was better to be prepared than surprised, but I think it worked.
Aside from packing suitcases, flights and having a place to stay, there were other details. Leading up to the trip we rented baby gear and coordinated it getting dropped off at the rental house. We put in Amazon and Target orders of snacks and toys and diapers and anything we could possibly think of needing while we were there. There were things like masks to think about and any other Covid related extras to plan for. We rented a car, asked someone to check on the cats, and figured out the car seats.
A Trip, Two Years Late
I really never thought it would happen. I refused to pack suitcases, I didn’t have a rental car booked - I was so sure that something would go wrong and we’d cancel again. I was having some major flashbacks to the last time too. When we had our paper chain countdown going, and I had to throw it away before we reached the end, and then sit my two year old down and tell him that we’d be staying home for a while.
So I guess this post is fitting to follow the last one. I wish I could say it’s a triumph over the pandemic, but it’s not. We still have a 60% unvaccinated household, although I hold out hope that will change by this summer. But maybe we’re slowly finding a way to live with this pandemic. To find a way to live but also be safe? I hope that’s the case.
The Pandemic Post
I’ve thought about writing this post a million times, but since we were IN it, it felt like maybe I should wait. Until it was over. Now I’m beginning to wonder if it ever will be over. And the before time, it’s so far away now, that it’s hard to remember.
So here is a very messy, probably very long, in between post about this pandemic we’re living through. Because some day our kids might ask. Because it’s probably not a bad idea to write down some memories. To reflect on the craziness. I’m going to break it up into sections - it probably won’t make it any shorter, but maybe easier for me to write.
Small Updates
Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing to update because every day seems the same, but at the same time everything changes so quickly that I have too much to share. Like E’s favorite song lately is Rihanna’s Umbrella (because what a cool thing to sing about!) and G’s favorite song is ABCDEFU (“She sings it wrong!”).
The baby baby is suddenly huge. I looked at her the other day and almost didn’t recognize her face. It doesn’t help that I think daycare has been brushing her hair so it doesn’t always stick straight up anymore, but suddenly she has these big cheeks too! She’s also huge, I just weighed her and she’s about 17 lbs which means she’s moved up a diaper size and a sleep sack size, but long gone is my tiny ity baby. It’s okay, because she’s almost entering a really fun phase, where she’ll be able to sit and play with us, and she’s starting to get really excited about food. I still don’t really have the energy to want to feed her table food even daily, but occasionally she’ll get to chew on something we’re eating and so far she loves it. And if not, she just chews on my shirt instead.