I don’t even know how to describe life right now. Some moments are calm and I’m so content my eyes well up with happy tears looking at my big beautiful family. Some are so chaotic that I can’t catch my breath and I’m constantly running and I don’t know if my kids are fine or if I’m failing them. And some days I feel like everything I’m doing is wrong and I’m definitely failing them. So I guess if I give you an answer one day and you don’t like the answer, just ask again a few minutes later?
This past weekend had all of those moments I think. G is in a weird phase where he’s feeling more complex things and isn’t able to describe them, and his solution is to throw something. Bowls of cereal, a puzzle his brother had been working on all morning, the water from the tub, Easter eggs. Anything. So there were a lot of tears and a lot of cleaning. F has her first stuffy nose, so feeding her has gone from difficult to impossible. I am amazed that this child is growing and not at the bottom of her growth curve. Most children will increase the food/calories they consume as they get older. G was off the charts, eating 45 oz a day at this point, plus food. F topped out at about 25oz when she was a month old, and has never increased her intake. She’s healthy, she’s growing, so we’re not concerned, but when she suddenly goes on a food strike, there’s a bit more worry than when it happens to another child. Either way, that took up a lot of energy this weekend too.
And E I think has some frustration at being the oldest and growing up in general. All he wants is to cuddle with me, and have zero responsibilities - which, fair. That sounds amazing. So anytime he has to wait a few minutes or watches a sibling bite or hit when he’s not allowed to, he objects in that way only a four year old can. I get a lot of “You never let me do anything I want!” and recently he told me “You’re the ruddest Mama ever and I need you to leave this house and never come back!” followed immediately by him hugging me so tight and attaching himself to my body so that I couldn’t possibly move without him. It’s hard to want everything at once.
We’re all learning together and figuring out how to live as a family of five. Of course it makes sense that since I don’t have the answers about my children, I also don’t have the answers about what we should be doing in life right now. Our kids are still not vaccinated, so maybe we should stay home? But the world seems to think we should pretend the last two years didn’t happen so maybe we should be going places? We’re trying to do something in between which means we’re confused every day.
One of those in between things we decided on was our annual bunny photos. We went back to the mall and the place that we really enjoy. They’re quick, you get your photos the same day, and you get to pet bunnies. We booked the first appointment of the day, and wore our masks to a very empty mall, and even drove two cars so that the kids wouldn’t have to hang around the mall while I waited for pictures.
My children continue to amaze any photographer with how quickly they finish photos. No need for a half hour sessions, even. Ten minutes after we walked in they had more than enough pictures of them all smiling and looking at the camera. I know it’s not normal for children to just sit there and smile on command, so I’m happy that this part of life is easy at least. I’m not sure if it’s because I deliver adequate bribes afterwards or if they know it’s over quickly if they cooperate, but I’ll take it. Even the baby sat and looked at the camera.
So I got some great photos (some that I swear I’ll have hanging on the wall 20 years from now) and then the kids got to play with a bunny. She was super soft, her name was Clover, and she loved running in circles around us, making everyone laugh. Except for F, who was so mad that we wouldn’t let her grab the bunny and shove her face in it. Just like the kitties, she was obsessed with the bunny. E had to hold her back at points because she was so determined.
Overall it was a good experience. I got the photos I wanted, the kids got the bunny they wanted, and we left our house! One thing I’m noticing when you have multiple children that seems hard - what to do when you have an extrovert who wants to go places, and an introvert that doesn’t want to leave the house? Right now we just assume we’ll have someone unhappy at all times, but it would be nice to find a happy medium that would work for us all. Pretty sure it doesn’t exist.
