So how is life going these days, anyway?
It honestly changes minute by minute. So quickly I feel like I constantly have whiplash and don’t have time to breathe. I know we’re in survival mode and it won’t always be like this. We’ll get to a point where I’ll have time to respond to emails again, make those doctors appointments I’ve had on my list forever, and not feel constantly tired. And then I’ll look back and wonder where these days went.
What a determined little baby you are. You’re not content with being a newborn anymore. You’re learning to roll and are working hard at sitting up too, when all we want is to enjoy you as a baby for as long as possible. You see your older siblings doing things, and you just want to be where they are. You love them so much, if you hear them you’ll crane your neck and move your body to try and see them. Of course they love you just as much, some nights you get a hug when Mama and Dad don’t.
There are times, and today is one of them, where I look around and I’m so thankful and over the moon happy for this family that I have. Pinch my arm because I’m not sure how I got this lucky, happy. Not all days are like this, of course, and if I’m being honest the whole day didn’t even feel like this. But it ended well, and so as I’m sitting in the dark with a baby that’s almost asleep, I’m holding on to that feeling.
Most days I’m just spinning in circles trying to do damage control and make sure at least the majority of the children are fed and not crying. My mental to do list is constant and never ending, and when I collapse in bed at the end of the day (or the start of the next day? Trust me it’s late) I don’t have a lot of time to think about where we are in life.
As a parent, it’s easy to get an idea in your head about how things might go, or how you’d like them to go. I see it a lot this time of year when everyone is booking family photos and thinking of upcoming holiday cards. For example I might think that if I buy matching pjs and book photos with a Santa early in November, we could have a cute photo for our card. I might even think I’m being flexible when I consider the possibility that the baby would be crying, because that might make a funny card.
This year everything about Halloween seemed up in the air. The pandemic is still raging on, the weather looked questionable at best, and our normal Halloween plans were no longer an option. All that added up to a big question mark about how we were going to spend the holiday. Nothing new there, I guess. Every holiday for the past almost two years now has been a mix of disappointment and change, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
About halfway through the month, I looked at you and realized you were no longer a newborn. It was shocking and sad. I wasn’t sure how the change had happened so quickly, and was immediately mourning the fact that you’d left the sleepy and squishy phase. It is, of course, an accomplishment for you. You’re growing! You’re one step closer to showing us who you are as an independent person. And pretty quickly I learned to love this new phase too. You love eye contact, and when I coo at you, I can make you smile.
E and I have been discussing time lately. Specifically how it can sometimes go quickly, while other times it seems to take forever. It started during nap time. E is getting to an age where he hasn’t given up naps yet, but he doesn’t take one every day either. We tell him that he can nap if he wants to, and if not he can have quiet time in his room. He usually does a combination of resting in his bed, maybe with a book, or playing with his dollhouse.
Baby F is less newborn infant, and more baby lately. It means she’s awake for longer stretches of time, and starting to pay attention to us. She loves when we talk to her and gets all excited and tries to copy us. Her mouth moves like crazy and her eyes get wide and when she finally gets a noise out, you can tell she’s absolutely thrilled with herself. So lately I spend a lot of time staring into her eyes and saying “Alpo” over and over to her as she watches intently and tries speak. I understand that sounds odd, but stay with me for a minute.
I’m actually shocked that Halloween is still so far away. We’ve been leaning heavy into all the fall/Halloween activities for a while now, so I’m having a hard time believing we’ve still got over a week to go. The kids are loving it, though, and we still have a lot of fun things coming up. Now that we have three kids, I’m afraid I’ve found my weakness in matching PJs. I’ll admit it’s a bit too early to pull out the Christmas PJs, so I’m going all in with Halloween ones.
You’d think that sleeping less would mean you’d have more hours in the day to, well.. do more? And maybe it’s true, but all those things you want to do, you need to figure out a way to do them without your hands. Occasionally it works - I read an entire book the other day. But most of the time I’m struggling to accomplish one thing that needs to get done that day.
Everyone knows that having a newborn means you’re not getting a ton of sleep, but you do spend a lot of time watching someone who is. I guess I could get jealous of all that quality sleep the baby is getting, but instead my mind wandered to another spot - how amazing it is to be a baby that gets to feel so secure and safe at all times. Due to both of us being home on leave right now, this baby spends almost 24 hours a day in direct contact with one of us. Assuming you believe that a newborn can smell their parents, what an awesome gift we’re able to give to let her know we’re always there.
So how is life with three kids?
Honestly it depends when you ask me. Every day we’ll have the sweetest, calmest moments where everything seems great. We’ll be making pancakes, sitting around the table together, and all happy. The baby will start to cry and one of the older kids will run over and cheer her up. There will be cuddles and sharing of toys and cooperative cleaning of the house. And we’ll think, yeah we’ve got this. This is amazing.
Because we’re apparently experts now, we managaed our second outing as a family of five (I’m not tired of saying that yet) in our first month. It’s officially fall here, so we went apple picking!
Apple picking isn’t something I did growing up, and to be honest isn’t my first choice in activity now. If I want apples, I’m fine getting them from the grocery store. However, it’s not all about the apples.
A whole month. A month of cuddles and smelling your head, and staring into your eyes. It’s a different experience, knowing you’re my last baby. It makes every cuddle just a little more precious, and makes me wish to get through these rough days less. Actually, they’re really not that rough.
There’s definitely some benefits to being the third child. You definitely have more relaxed parents than your siblings had. E had nervous new parents and G had parents who were figuring out how to parent more than one child. You have parents who have been there, done that, and so not much makes us nervous, which means not much upsets you. You are the calmest baby we’ve had. The vacuum can be running, your siblings can be screaming, and you can be sleeping.
We can’t drive anywhere without a constant commentary from the backseats - “GIANT excavator! Skid steer! ‘Ment mixer!” I’m certain I never knew how many different types of trucks and construction equipment existed before these two came along. It’s incredibly impressive how many of them they can identify, and how quickly they can spot them as we drive down a street.
So it’s not an understatement to say that “Touch-a-Truck” events are literal dreams come true around here. Unfortunately the last time the big one near us happened was in 2018. At the time, we had gone to church with no idea it was happening. As we were heading home afterwards, we stumbled on a field full of every kind of truck you could imagine. It was too good to pass up, so we went even though we were past nap time and without sunscreen or snacks. It was so much fun that we couldn’t wait until the next year when we planned to take full advantage of it. Except there wasn’t one that year, and then the pandemic ensured there wasn’t one the year after that either.
You ever have a disconnect between your eyes and your brain? My brain understands that I was pregnant for 9 months, my body grew a baby, and that she’s here now. My eyes however, see this baby and are still just shocked and can’t understand where she came from. Just a tiny miracle lying in my arms. Am I really lucky enough to be experiencing this for the third time?
So this is normally the part of my birth story where I talk about all the complications and how badly I hemorrhaged afterwards. Except this time I had a doctor that actually listened when I told her my history and it was a game changer. I think I lost less blood than I did with E. It was amazing to not only feel okay minutes after delivery, but to have a calm delivery room. No one rushed the baby away, no extra help rushing in, just a quiet room.
I never expect to bring home a baby just because I’m pregnant. I know too much, have seen too much that it’s not always the case. I always hope for a successful outcome, but I know it’s not guaranteed. Which is maybe why I’m always left is such shock when a baby is placed on my chest. It’s the best possible surprise and shock, and even two weeks later I’m still just amazed that she’s here. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have another beautiful baby.
I’m not sure if it’s the fact that my hormones are less messed up (since there was no massive blood loss this time) or if it’s the peace of knowing this is my last baby and I can focus on enjoying everything instead of stressing over it, but I am definitely in a happy baby zone. I might be tired, but I have this head to smell and it’s intoxicating.
Despite willing it to be true, I didn’t have a baby by morning. Both E & G were born on a Sunday at 2am, but this baby decided to be different. I also didn’t get a ton of sleep either. I wasn’t feeling painful contractions, but lying down was uncomfortable. Unless I was sitting up or walking around, I’d get a little crampy, just enough that I couldn’t fall asleep. I think I managed to sleep from 11:30 - 1 am and again from 3:45 - 4:30 am when contractions slowed down a bit. Because they slowed down, I got a second dose of medication at that time.
I was feeling a bit frustrated and impatient (as was everyone who knew I was at the hospital waiting for updates!) but I managed to eat a granola bar and some apple juice and started to get my mind around the fact I might be here for a while.
To complete our little section of the alphabet, please welcome baby F! She arrived just in time to ensure our children will be spaced out every 2 years in school, and thoughtfully saving us a year of daycare expenses.
We’re home trying to figure out how to be a family of 5, so while I will definitely write up our birth story, it may be a few days.
For now, we’re super happy, tired, and embracing the chaos.