Sleep

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Quick Update

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Oh hi, it’s me.

I’ve been silent because life is insane lately. Work is horrible and overwhelming and there’s so much going on I could be working around the clock. Luckily I know how to set a strong boundary, but that just means that my boss is cranky and I’m pissed and everyone is miserable. But yes, let’s take on some more projects.

So I tend to leave work not in the best mood, to go pick up a Kindergartener who feels similar, and then we throw on some kids home from a long day of daycare and everyone could use a little grace lately. And some 1:1 Mama time (which is nearly impossible to come by). We were rescued during Veteran’s day weekend when my parents and Aunt Linzy came to visit. Besides the kids being thrilled, it gave us just enough breathing room for me to relax a bit and Tom to cross some things off our lists and leave us feeling a little less like we were drowning. I’m hopeful Thanksgiving will do the same.

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Smile With the Rising Sun

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Everyone knows that having a newborn means you’re not getting a ton of sleep, but you do spend a lot of time watching someone who is. I guess I could get jealous of all that quality sleep the baby is getting, but instead my mind wandered to another spot - how amazing it is to be a baby that gets to feel so secure and safe at all times. Due to both of us being home on leave right now, this baby spends almost 24 hours a day in direct contact with one of us. Assuming you believe that a newborn can smell their parents, what an awesome gift we’re able to give to let her know we’re always there.

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Second Trimester

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I’m at a weird stage in pregnancy. I guess you could call it a good stage, though. My nausea has pretty much subsided to a manageable level, and I was actually able to wean off the medication that I was on until 22 weeks with G. It came on harder, faster and way worse than previous pregnancies, but didn’t stick around as long, so I’ll take that. I do still feel off every day, with something or other just not making me feel 100% well. It’s fairly common for me in pregnancy, though, so that’s not too bad either. I’m still a bit too early to feel the baby moving yet, and I’m really not that big, so I’m in that in between space where I could forget that I’m pregnant. All of the symptoms I have are odd, and related to pregnancy, but don’t make me feel pregnant. I’m starving but nothing tastes good and almost everything upsets my stomach. I’m exhausted all the time and take lots of naps, but I have major insomnia in the middle of the night. Etc, Etc.

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Post Christmas Days

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Here's the funny thing about sleep regressions. You forget about the little ones. Everyone talks about the 4 month sleep regression, but there are small ones that happen all the time. You forget about that panic that you have, the thoughts that this will never end or get better. It feels like no one will ever sleep again, and you will die from exhaustion.

And then it magically goes back to normal, and you forget about those days.

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A Night Recently

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Usually when we put the babies down for the night, it’s pretty easy. Hugs, kisses, place them in their crib and walk away. If anyone gives us trouble, it’s usually G and it’s usually because he’s demanding more food before beginning his 12 hour fast.

But one night recently, it was E that was making noise. If he does wake up, it’s usually the result of a bad dream, and it will be hysterical crying which will bring us running. But this was just small cries, which sometimes happens when he wakes up at the end of a sleep cycle and before he rolls over and goes back to sleep. So we watched him on the monitor and figured that’s what it was. He was lying on his back, rubbing his eyes, and softly crying.

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I'll Never

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There's a reason parents will give a knowing smile when people without kids, or parents-to-be, say they'll "never" do something. 

And maybe you won't.  You'll have rules and routines and will stick to your convictions.  And then one day you'll find yourself in a new place, on vacation, and routines will go out the window.  It will be late and everyone is tired and crying.  You'll be at the end of your rope and you'll think...well maybe...

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First Sleepover!

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Despite declaring that I was done with winter, especially after a week in sunny Florida, winter has decided it's not done with us.  In the form of some pretty big, back-to-back storms.  First there was a wind and rain storm that knocked out a lot of power and flooded many areas (although we were mostly fine).  Then there was a mini snow storm, but the snow melted by the time I got home from work. That wasn't that bad either. 

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The Bubba

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The Bubba is a funny creature.  Once a baby that easily startled, he's now pretty easy going.  Ice machines that used to make him cry, now make him laugh.  

The Bubba can crawl now, but he'd like you to believe he can't.  Until you leave your phone somewhere and then ZOOM! he's off to stick it in his mouth. 

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No Winning

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The mom guilt is real, y'all.

What do you do when there's only two options, and both of them have negative consequences? There is no winning no matter what you choose.  Do you make a choice and move on? Or do you cry yourself to sleep trying to figure out what the magical third option that doesn't exist is, and wonder why you didn't do that instead? 

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My Favorite Part of My Mornings

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One of the hardest parts of being a working mom for me, is that after I put E to bed at night, I don't see him again until I pick him up at daycare the next day.  When I leave to go to work he's still sleeping, and so I miss his mornings.  That's especially sad, because he's so happy in the mornings, and it's seriously the best time of day to spend with him.  It's nice because Tom gets that time, but selfishly I miss it.  Especially because my time with him during the week is the cranky, waiting until bedtime time.  Which is why my weekends are so sacred to me. I get mornings, I get happy baby, I get more time. 

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Just Me and the Baby

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Recently E and I did something we hadn't done before - we packed up the car and drove off for the weekend, without Tom! 

We had a baby shower to go to, and Tom had some work stuff, and so we ended up parting ways.  (Plus when given the choice between weekend alone or a baby shower, he maybe leaned towards being able to sleep in...)

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Late at Night

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It's 1:15. You're supposed to be asleep but you're not because a poorly installed diaper just caused a total outfit change. I'm walking you to sleep in a dark house but you're not quite ready. Don't think I don't see you peeking at me through half open eyes to see if I'm still here. I hear your giggle too. I don't need the lights to know you're smiling at me. Maybe because there's spit up on the floor by the stairs. I should remember that before Tom wakes up tomorrow, but there's no way I'm risking setting you down right now to clean it up. It's been 4 passes around the kitchen island since your eyes have opened.