This pregnancy is actually going.. okay?
Which is funny to say because I was SO SICK for such a long time, and I'm sore and in pain a lot, and the heartburn has started to return... but I actually feel like time is passing quickly. I'm not sure if it's because instead of sitting on the couch thinking about being pregnant I'm chasing around a 1 year old.. or if it's the time of year.
There's a reason I switched doctors this time around. I just love this doctor so much. She'll give me straight talk, odds and numbers, she'll tell me when to worry, and she'll also make me feel a lot better. Maybe it's the first 5 minutes of every appointment when she spends time telling me how cute my belly is haha, but I always leave feeling better.
After my original anatomy scan, I got a call from the midwife on staff explaining some possible complications that they had seen, and she let me know that they were sending me to a specialist at Tufts to get another scan. Better machinery and more experienced/specialized doctors would get us some additional information that they needed.
It got me a little nervous, and of course googling all the possible bad outcomes (some of which she'd already told me over the phone), but I was glad for the availability of the specialist. Unfortunately they wanted to see me in the middle of our annual vacation to Maine, and I was told that I really shouldn't wait, especially since if I skipped this one they might not be able to get me in until October. Womp womp.
The anatomy scan!
Last time we were super excited to find out the gender and we counted down the days to the scan. This time, I went alone and almost fell asleep in the room. It's not my fault - it's a dark room, with white noise pumped in, and they lie you down on a bed while no one really talks for an hour. Sure there's a screen showing you what's going on, but it's like watching an old black and white movie with no sound on a tv channel you don't really get a good signal on and it's full of static.
I like looking at sibling names. You can usually learn a lot about the parents by looking at sibling names. There's usually a similar sound, or feel, and you can see what was important to the parents. What their style is like.
Maybe all of their kids have names from the bible. Maybe they all start with the same letter. Have the same number of syllables. Have repeating double letters. Are contemporary. Are spelled uniquely.
Well, it's finally hit us. We have a toddler. And?
I miss my baby!
One of my friends has a newborn right now. I know she's not getting sleep and it's hard and she's recovering... but that cute little baby isn't throwing tantrums yet! Well at least not about the things E is throwing tantrums about. Because if he was upset only because he was hungry or tired, that I could do! I have a year's experience on that!
I'm not doing a great job with this pregnancy. I keep forgetting to do the things I'm supposed to do. Like tell people that I'm pregnant. In 15 and a half weeks, I've told maybe 3 people? And that doesn't include my family haha. First I was waiting for an ultrasound picture (which I still don't have), and then I was waiting to see them in person, which keeps getting cancelled or pushed back... and then I just keep forgetting.
I'll be in the middle of a conversation with someone and realize, oh I should totally tell them I'm pregnant! And then it seems weird in the conversation, and we were talking about their problems and how weird and selfish would it be to suddenly say, HEY want to talk about ME?? I know you're dealing with some heavy stuff and all, but let's ignore that for now and discuss ME!!!
So I mentioned that I asked for nausea medication this time around. I'm not sure why, but morning sickness hit me so much worse this time around. And even worse that last time, I couldn't just sit on the couch when I felt horrible - I had a baby to chase around.
There were nights when Tom would come home to find E half in his PJs, using me as a jungle gym while I was lying on the floor of his bedroom trying not to throw up. It wasn't sustainable. So I filled my prescription and wondered if it would change anything. And boy did it. They are magical magic pills that took away the nausea completely.
I've been here before, but a lot of things are different. I had my first doctor's appointment at 8 weeks instead of 10 this time. Two less weeks to wait to see if this was real, but less to see when we did check. The place was different too. I decided to leave my OB practice from my last pregnancy and go directly to the doctor that delivered E. There were a lot of reasons, and I went back and forth deciding for a while, but I left today pretty sure that I had made the right decision.
After hoping, and praying, and second guessing, and worrying.. here we are again. Slightly different than last time, but also so much the same.
Am I experiencing symptoms so much earlier this time? Or am I just aware of what they are so I notice them earlier? Or am I just imagining them because I know what's to come? It's a weird mind game.
Let me apologize for holding this in for so long. It was never my intention... I just kept forgetting to tell people?
Maybe it's because I spend my days chasing around E that I'm too busy to think about anything else. Maybe it's because I've been so sick that even sleeping requires effort. (More on that later).
Hey Caitlin, how are you doing?
Oh great! I was driving home today, and it was only 92 outside according to my car, although it was at least 10 degrees warmer inside since the steering wheel was burning the skin off my hands. AC was on blast, and the windows were all down so I'd get the breeze. Felt nice.. right until something hit me on the side of my neck!
When baby E arrived, all I could think about was how hot I was (I was still fighting an infection and fever), and as they put him on me, my first thought was "WHY IS HE SO WARM!?" He wasn't there for long, though, since he was rushed off to be checked by the emergency team. It was mostly a precaution, and he turned out fine. His Apgar scores were 7 and 9, so nothing to worry about.
I, however, was another story.
The next few hours of labor were actually fun haha. Hello epidural. Basically Tom, Stacey and I just hung out in the room. I put on random movies that we'd already seen and didn't need to watch too closely - "Definitely, Maybe", "White House Down", and "Delivery Man" (which was hilarious because the whole movie there are lines telling you not to have children!). I slept a bit, and should have slept some more, but I was too excited to get more than an hour or two nap. We chatted about our families, shows we watched recently (Call the Midwife was a favorite topic of conversation) and Tom would tell us about all the other dads he would meet out in the hall.
When I hit 40 weeks, I was pretty sure this baby wasn't going to come any time soon. None of the signs they tell you to look for were present - the baby hadn't dropped, I wasn't nesting, I didn't have a burst of energy, and none of the other things they tell you to look for had happened. I also hadn't felt a single contraction - Braxton Hicks or otherwise. In fact I felt great and the exact same that I'd been feeling for the past month or so. Also knowing that I was born 2 weeks late, I was ready to assume this baby would be late too.
One of Tom and my guilty pleasures, is watching Shark Tank. Usually it's because I like to laugh at the stupid products, but every once in a while we find something amazing. Like Wicked Good Cupcakes, the cupcake in a jar company that despite being in my backyard, I didn't find out until I watched the show.