The other day I found myself wanting to get pregnant again. It wasn’t so much that I wanted a third kid, but I eventually realized that what I really wanted, was the parental leave. Having Tom get home late from work so many nights in a row makes me long for the days when he was here all day. Maternity leave would mean endless hours to do nothing but spend time with my family. The kids wouldn’t feel neglected (this was a dream remember?), and we’d also be able to get things done around the house.
Sometimes I feel guilty for stopping with my ASA. For not continuing with my education until I got my FSA certification. Did I give up on my dreams? Stopping before my potential seems like a waste. But then I look around at where I am. Titles aside, I feel okay. I have a good job at a good company. I have two beautiful children. I don’t always feel like I’m drowning. I like my schedule. And I remember that getting my FSA would pretty much mean trading more of my time for more money. Or said another way, I gave up some money in order to spend more time with my children and spouse. That’s a choice people understand. That’s a choice that a lot of people often make. And then I feel like maybe I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
Sure more money would make life easier. We wouldn’t have to dip into savings in order to pay for daycare, or debate if we should switch daycares for something cheaper. We could have more children. But none of that would matter if I wasn’t around to actually spend time with them, right?
I feel guilty about a lot of things. I think a lot of parents do. But for now, I think it’s time to let go of feeling guilty for not being more ambitious. I’m deciding that being successful does not mean more money and higher titles. Being successful might just mean spending time with my family and working hard to raise some good humans.
