I'm a Car Expert Now

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So we’ve been dealing with some car drama since Thanksgiving.

I remember when I was younger thinking that adults knew everything. They always knew what to do, and how to fix things, and I couldn’t wait until I did too. And then you get older and realize no one really knows what they’re doing. Everyone makes mistakes, new situations are always scary, and all we can do is try to build upon past experiences, our own manufactured confidence, and research what we don’t know, in order to get through a new problem.

New problems like navigating your way through lemon laws.

Exactly what you want to be doing after you buy a car, right? Or not. We posted about our new minivan and how much we loved her. And that was true! What we didn’t like was all the warning lights that would randomly pop up one day, and disappear the next. It was especially frustrating because it happened so randomly, getting a Honda mechanic to be able to reproduce the problem was difficult.

So after a few false starts, they finally agreed there was a problem, and agreed to fix it. Except fix one didn’t fix it, and neither did fix two, and then they had an idea for fix three, except the part was back ordered. Honda corporate got involved, there were many phone calls, and calls for patience. In the mean time, we were given a free rental car to drive.

So for a while I was driving a Toyota Sienna minivan, and wishing the whole time it was my Honda. And then that car was sold? A panicked call later from the rental company, and they gave us the world’s worst Dodge minivan that smelled like wet dog and had the hair to go with it, but none of the power steering that we normally love in a car. Needless to say, that car didn’t last long. And then came the beast - a Chevy Tahoe that has literal steps you have to climb in order to get in the car. As Tom said, “Enjoy - this is the closest you’re going to get to driving a Hummer for a while.”

So while we’re still working our way through the end to this story (which is hopefully coming soon), I’ve gotten a lot of gained knowledge on different cars! In case anyone is interested:

Best Forward Collision Warning: Chevy
I’ve never had a car with this feature before, but every one I drove over this period had it. How do I know? Well apparently there’s something about the way I drive, especially in parking lots that sets it off. I guess when I see a car backing out of a parking spot or driveway, instead of just stopping, I let the car slowly coast. I’m usually not going fast anyway, and I can tell that the car will start going forward (away from me) before I reach it. And if not, my foot is hovering over the brake. Either way, the forward collision will usually go off a few seconds before I need to take action.

Both the Honda and the Toyota have beeps and flashing screens IN the car. Know what that does to me? Distracts me from what I was watching, and makes me look down at the car’s dashboard. Tom was in the car once and it startled him too and drew his eyes away from the road. The Chevy, however, is brilliant! There’s a red flashing light that in the windshield! It brought my eyes up to where the thing I needed to avoid was!

Fancy Feature I miss the most: Heated Steering Wheel, Dodge
We didn’t have this car long, but this is totally a thing I would use.

Most Uncomfortable Car to Drive: Chevy
The only thing this car had was blind spots. I turned around to check my blind spot one day, and realized I couldn’t see out the left side of the car AT ALL. Oh. This car was a tank, it was big, it was tall, and yet when I was sitting in the driver’s seat, I felt claustrophobic! I felt like I was driving a tank through a swimming pool. There was nothing smooth about my car and had me begging for my Honda that seems to drive itself in comparison.

Worst Heated Seats: Toyota
There can’t really be a bad heated seat, since all warm seats are cozy and amazing. But in general all the buttons in the Toyota were in awful places. It took me a few days to figure out how to turn them down and once I found the button, you couldn’t reach it while you were driving without leaning down and taking your eyes off the road.

Runner-Up Worst Heated Seats: Chevy.
They wouldn’t stay on and had to be turned on each time you turned the car on. If you know me, I keep my seat heater on 365 days a year. I’d rather not press that button every single time I get in the car.

Worst Key: Chevy. It was an actual key!
There was a time when I swore I’d never get a car with a button start, but now I love them. Having an actual key I needed to turn seemed so weird. I actually found myself questioning how to use it (do I need my foot on the brake or not?). Either way, I am a complete convert and like the push button starts.

Feature I Miss the Most from my Honda: Car starter!
Of course this all happened in the winter, so not having a car starter left me super chilly and cranky. Except I did realize later on that the Chevy did have a car starter, so that was an added bonus, except I couldn’t really figure out how to use it. I had about a 50% success rate.

Best Horn: Chevy
There’s something about this car that made me understand all those angry drivers on the road. This car is so hard to start and stop, that you find yourself not wanting to slow down and let cars into your lane. You also can’t see very well while driving, so you just end up angry and irritated. But when you need to tell someone that you’re angry, this is a super easy horn! I’ve complained for years that I’m not very good with my horn. Whenever I have a need to use it, I can never find on the wheel where to hit. It never seems to go off, and if it does, it’s not very loud. Well with the Chevy you can hit it anywhere and off it goes! It’s super satisfying.

Weirdest Feature: Vibrating Driver’s Seat, Chevy
You want to scare someone? Let them drive this car for a bit. If the car detects danger, the whole driver’s seat vibrates! It’s the kind of thing that makes you slam on the brakes and go WTF IS THAT?? It’s kind of cool, but also nothing I ever want in a car I drive.

Best Dashboard: Honda
This isn’t a bias because I’m used to driving other Hondas, since this one has been completely redesigned. Everything makes sense! That stupid RPM meter that takes up half of most dashboards, but I only occasionally glance at, is now a ruler like line at the top of the dashboard. Out of the way, still visible - so smart! And since I’ll tell you that I saw a lot of error messages, I’ll tell you that they’re easy to see and understand. Win!

Worst Dashboard: Chevy
You ever want to get really dizzy and confused every time you turn on your car? Do you like to wonder how much gas is in the car? Well then, this car is for you! The gauges like to dance back and forth when you turn the car on, alternating between one side an another. Every time I think they’ve stopped moving, they’ll fly back towards the other direction. Not necessary!

Also, at one point there was a door open (I could tell because the interior lights were on, and I could hear outside noises coming through the car). I couldn’t for the life of me figure out which one, and the dashboard wasn’t telling me. I’m sure it would have somewhere, but there were so many menus and screens to flip through. I had no idea what I was looking for. I just kept pulling over and slamming doors (which makes G cry every time). Turns out the trunk has a window that can open separately from the trunk. And THAT was open.

Worst controls (mid car): Toyota
I’m not talking speedometer, gas meter… I’m talking more the heat controls, radio controls, etc. I could never figure out how to do the things I needed to, especially not while I was driving. All I wanted to do was turn on the heat!

Worst Steering Wheel Controls: Chevy
I can’t change the volume or change the radio station, but I can flip through a bunch of menus on the dashboard, all of which tell me nothing? I just want to be able to turn the volume down!

Worst Wipers: Dodge
This is a little unfair, since they were very obviously broken, but Tom’s manual attempt to wiggle it back and forth was a nice try.

Anyway…

This is what I thought about as I drove all those not-mine cars. Icing on the cake? When Honda called us and asked if our driver’s door always had a dent and chunk of paint missing. Um nope, that’s something you must have done. Please fix it! (They did)

Bah.


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