Feelings

A Sad Day

Daycare during a pandemic is really hard. We’re not allowed in the building, and we’re not supposed to chat with the teachers when we pick up or drop off. That leaves us knowing very little about what goes on in the classrooms. I used to know the name of every kid in the room, and would spend 10-15 minutes in the room when I picked E&G up. Checking how many diapers they had, if they needed a change of clothes, picking up their artwork, but also seeing how the room functioned and getting to know the teachers. I could see who E&G were friends with, how they interacted in the room, and I felt like I knew what was going on.

All that’s gone now, of course. We get pictures and daily reports, but it’s not quite the same. I have to rely on what E&G tell me directly, which is partial information at best.

Where We Are

I remember when I used to pray for 30 seconds. 30 seconds where I could slip away, unnoticed, and change out of my work clothes. It would never come – I’d either end up carrying two deceptively heavy children with me, or I’d listen to their panicked screams from down the hall where I’d left them, while I quickly changed my clothes.

Last night, though, it happened. I left them playing in their rooms, and slipped down the hall to change. When I got back, they were still laughing and playing, and hadn’t noticed I’d left. It wasn’t until I was putting E to bed that he realized my shirt had changed, and asked me about it. He likes to play with the buttons on my work shirt, and I wasn’t wearing it anymore.