13 Weeks
Time seems to be moving quickly so far, which I think is a good thing. I’m starting to pull out maternity clothes (not so much a bump yet, but definitely bigger), and trying to wean down on how much nausea medication I’m taking daily.
E & G have started to talk daily about the new baby, which is interesting to watch. We never sat them down to say that a baby is coming or that things will change, we just sort of keep it as part of the conversation. When E is passing out things (something he manages to do almost daily), he often will name family members. “This one is for Mama, this one is for me, this one is for G…” and he’ll often name one for Maia, our kitty who died almost a year ago. So it’s not that weird to suddenly be naming one for “baby.” A sort of hypothetical entity that can be named.
G will point to our coat racks in the basement, of which there are five (who says Tom and I don’t plan ahead), and he knows which one is his, which one is E’s and which one belongs to Mama and Dah. And recently he started naming the 5th one as baby’s. Although not before he stole the yellow hanger that happened to be in that one, and traded it for the blue one he had. I’m honestly surprised it took him that long to notice and claim as his own.
My mood is a lot more optimistic this week, I’m noticing. I’m fairly certain it has everything to do with the warmer weather and sunshine. Suddenly spring feels in reach and all the snow isn’t bothering me anymore. The beginning of February really does seem endless, and as if you’re in a cold dark hole forever. March is right around the corner, the thermometer hit 50 the other day, and I can see grass in our front yard (okay it’s only where we shoveled paths for the kids, but it counts!)
So I started to think about how I feel, being pregnant in a pandemic. In some ways it’s completely normal - symptoms are the same as other pregnancies, I go through the same motions of doctor’s appointments and sorting through baby items, and it’s easy to get caught up in all the to do lists and planning. On the other hand, it’s very scary. Every once in a while I remember that I have a suppressed immune system now, and there is a very nasty virus going around. I worry about complications, I mourn the places I cannot go, and I wonder what future months will look like.
It’s that looking ahead that’s giving me hope, though. Family members are slowly starting to get vaccinated, and Tom and I at least have an inkling of when we might be able to. Not necessarily a time line, so much as we know what grouping we’re in, but the hope is there. I assume we’ll still be very cautious as pregnancy + pandemic and baby + pandemic are still scary combinations, but maybe less cautious as we are today.
Either way, there’s not much I can do to change any of this in my day to day life. So instead I’m keeping busy by thinking of other things. I recently shifted focus towards G’s room. It was sort of decorated when I was pregnant with him, in that I painted the walls, hung curtains and threw up a few pictures. Now, though, I’m actually thinking of a theme, and being more intentional of what goes on the walls and where. It’s time for that room to finally come together. At least that’s something I can control.
