I’ve been spending a lot of time solo with E in the car, which means we’ve been having some good conversations. A few days ago I had my GPS on (which isn’t unusual for me - with so many distractions in my life I like the reminders on where to go) and they were telling me how they like to hold up fingers for G, so G knows how many minutes until we arrive at our destination.
I told them that was really nice, and that it must be hard being little and not knowing how long we’d be in the car for or where we were going. Following that thought, I decided to ask them a question I’ve seen a lot of people asking their kids lately: “What’s the hardest part of being a kid?”
They sat there for a minute, and I could tell they were thinking before they said “OH! I know! It’s really hard to be the big sibling. It’s hard because they always want to do everything that I do, and follow me around everywhere and want me to help them.”
I’m not sure what I was expecting when I asked the question (maybe something like - it’s hard when you tell us what to do?) but it wasn’t that. I don’t know if I was more caught off guard or more devastated with their answer, but we did have a good conversation afterwards. We talked about how cool their siblings think they are, and why they want to be just like them. We talked about how hard it is to feel like nothing is theirs alone. I talked a lot about how I’m the adult and it’s not their job to take care of their siblings (something I repeat often at home when they try to punish their siblings haha). They felt a little conflicted, because they do enjoy helping their siblings - just that morning they’d managed to get F’s shoes on her feet for her and was so proud. So we talked about how that can be a choice, and not something they ever have to do.
Then I thought I was doing great when I told them that maybe it was time to sign them up for something just for them. They’ve been asking for over a year if they could do karate, mostly because there’s a studio near daycare that they sometimes see. I decided to sign them up for a 4 class intro to karate - not a full commitment, but something small enough that I could live with it, as anti extracurriculars as I am.
When I picked E up that day, I was so excited to tell them about it. Of course I forgot the number one rule about the end of the day - kids are tired and hungry and melt down easily. So it makes sense when I told them that they immediately melted down, told me they hate karate, never ever want to do it and it’s their least favorite thing in the world and I can’t make them do it.
Luckily we still have a month until their class start, so we have some time to work up to it. I’m hoping if I don’t mention it for a few weeks and bring it up later, after school has started, maybe they’ll change their mind. I’m sure they’re terrified to do something new and unknown, so I’ll try to prep them as much as I can, but they tend to just yell “STOP TALKING TO ME” and run away when they get anxious and definitely doesn’t want my help. Anyway, being a parent is fun.
