In the Moment
You ever have a disconnect between your eyes and your brain? My brain understands that I was pregnant for 9 months, my body grew a baby, and that she’s here now. My eyes however, see this baby and are still just shocked and can’t understand where she came from. Just a tiny miracle lying in my arms. Am I really lucky enough to be experiencing this for the third time?
For so long a third child was just a question in our minds. A possibility. The pandemic scared us off for a while, enough that I thought it would never happen. So to be here, with her asleep on me, it’s enough to wonder if I’m dreaming.
I’m trying desperately to remember every minute. Where are the days going? I mentioned she was 2 weeks in conversation and Tom corrected me that she was three weeks old. I thought today was September 7th or maybe the 9th. But apparently Halloween is so close I should be putting up decorations and getting costumes for the slightly bigger tiny humans (who suddenly have opinions about what they want to be!)
I’m hyper aware this is the last time I’ll be experiencing any of this. The last time I’m up all night with a baby, the last time I’m so sleep deprived, but also the last time I’ll be sitting here with nothing to do but sniff a new baby’s head. I’m also aware of how much the memories of these days with E and G are fading. The little squeaks, the tiny hand that grabs at my shirt, how many hours a day they sleep.
I’m someone who always is thinking ahead, planning for things months away, so I’m trying my hardest to live in the moment. To not think ahead to when life will be easier, but enjoy everything I can about these survival days.
And honestly? We’re thriving more often than we’re surviving. There’s a big benefit in being a third time parent. We’re calmer, the baby is calmer - the adjustment from 2 to 3 children has been by far the easiest adjustment by far.